Baby Boy Giggles - Is anybody there?!

Happy Birthday Maw

When my Gran died Top Ender was quite upset and would often ask if she could call her. She knew that she couldn't really speak with my Gran, but she liked me to pretend to talk to her on her hand phone, by having me pretend to be my Gran (in my fake heavy Scottish accent) and tell her that I (as my Gran) loved her and missed her and had been watching her on my special Heaven TV.

Yeah you get to watch people on earth on your TV in Heaven. You can also watch any other TV channel that you like and there are no advert breaks; There is a channel of adverts that you liked or would of liked had you seen them. God is clever he knows how to sort things like this out.

Anyway the other week, whilst we were all in the Car, Top Ender realised that she hadn't spoken about my Gran for a while and that it would of been her birthday in a few short weeks (it would of been her 80th Birthday the day that Smallest Cousin was born) and so decided to call her on her hand phone.

"I'm going to phone Nanny Maw" said Top Ender holding her hand phone to her ear

She dialled a few buttons and waited for the connection to be made and just before she spoke we heard

"Hullo?!" in a very deep almost Scottish voice
"Hello Nanny Maw, its me...." answered Top Ender

Daddy and I looked at each other, eyes wide (and I was ready to change my under wear) before we realised that it was Baby Boy talking and Top Ender wasn't really talking to my dead Grandmother!

Top Ender Giggles - There's only one way to find out!

Top Ender was in the car with Daddy and were talking about taking lessons to learn an insturment when she is in year two.

"What would you like to learn?" asked Daddy
"Well maybe the flute, or the recorder or the Violin" answered Top Ender
"Well they are all nice!" answered Daddy
"Yes but which is better? There's only one way to find out.... Fight!" answered Top Ender

We are going to have to stop Top Ender watching TV.

Fireman Sam saved my life... well sort of.

I never knew that watching Kids TV Programmes would be so beneficial. I mean I knew that my kids learnt from them, but I didn't realise other than the five minutes of peace that it gives me that *I* would learn from them.

It all started last week when Baby Boy and I decided to give the new Fireman Sam a try. We had seen a fire engine earlier that morning and spent the rest of the morning nee nawing around the living room. Anyway the episode was about how air feeds fires and the annoying kid Norman somehow managed to learn this at the Fireman training session.

Fast forward to Sunday and the idea that instead of any other form of potatoes we have deep fried chips with our oven baked Salmon and vegetables. Daddy, Baby Boy and Top Ender were all in the living room whilst I was serving up in the Kitchen. It was just time for the first lot of chips to be taken from the fryer and as I lifted the basket out my eye was caught by a pretty orange colour under the oil.

At first I thought that it must of been a chip that had been lost through the holes in the basket, when I suddenly realised that chips in bubbling oil don't turn bright orange. At this moment time slowed down. I remember calling out "Chip Pan Fire" in a matter of fact manner and Daddy appearing at the Kitchen gate.

It was at this point that I remembered the Fireman Sam episode so I knocked the lid of the chip fryer shut as I reached round to unplug it from the socket and wonder why the plastic dial at the front was glowing so orange. Surely if the oil was on fire then it would be contained in the metal pan?

The whole chip pan was on fire!

Having shut the lid however, there wasn't any air for the fire to feed on and it soon put itself out. A look this morning shows that the bottom of the metal liner has a small hole, which was the start of the fire I think. We really were lucky to have not had any damage to the kitchen, (or me!) and I think that it was all thanks to Fireman Sam and the annoying kid Neville.

And just because I haven't been able to stop singing this since Sunday here is a YouTube video of the old Fireman Sam theme tune (you know where he seems like a pyromaniac as "He's always on the scene!")

Top Ender Giggles - You will obey

Whilst walking round Tescos Top Ender spotted some shaped bubble baths.

"Mummy!" she exclaimed
"Oh yes!" I said "Disney Fairies Bubble Bath!" as I know when I am supposed to be excited
"No! Look at this!" she giggled as she disappeared round the other side of the stand

Whilst I tried to manoeuvre the trolley round the freestanding unit Top Ender got into place bending down behind a Dalek shaped bubble bath. As soon as I appeared she said in a quite good Dalek voice;



"I am a Dalek Bubble bath and I will exterminate dirt across the Universe"

We left the store thirty minutes later still giggling!

Top Ender Giggles - Sausage porn

Today Top Ender had been good enough to warrant a treat whilst we were doing our weekly shop.

"Can I have a Cumberland Sausage please?" asked Top Ender
"Of course you can, get a second one for Baby Boy too please" I answered

Top Ender queued dutifully and ordered the two cooked sausages from the hot deli counter.

"Can I carry them?" asked Top Ender
"It would probably be better if you put them in the trolley" I said
"They do get quite hot after a while" said Daddy.

We walked a few steps further down before Top Ender looked at the sausages in the bag, sitting in the trolley.

"They look like they are having SEX!" she said (but it seemed to echo all around)

"Top Ender you don't even know what that means, so don't say it!" I said feeling shocked
"It means they are in love" she said
"Where did you learn that?" questioned Daddy
"The Simpsons" answered Top Ender simply

"I knew it was The Simpsons. Even when it was the bears" I muttered wishing my previous ban on them had stayed in place, and realising that using a quote from The Simpsons to prove my point was probably proving a further point about watching The Simpsons...

"Guess we are banning those again then" said Daddy
"Just like when Marge bans 'Itchy and Scratchy'!" said Top Ender
"Yes, Top Ender" I said wearily wondering how long it would be this time

Top Ender Giggles - Fading for Bob

Top Ender and I were watching the Television together when an advert for The Biggest loser came on TV. Top Ender has a fascination with this programme as she enjoys the concept of word play of a loser being a winner and she has a little thing for Bob.

"The Biggest Loser? No way!" exclaimed Top Ender
"Yes, but we don't get that channel so we can't watch it I'm afraid" I said
"That's okay" she said and slid to the floor where she lay down
"Top Ender get up off the floor. Top Ender what are you doing?" I asked
"I faded. That's what people do when they get excited" she whispered
"Fainted Top Ender, people faint not fade"

Top Ender Giggles - I know what it looks like...

This other morning before anyone other than Baby Boy and I were up, I started to watch a TV programme that I had recorded from the night before (Private Practice if you must know!).

There was a scene that was a little adult for Top Ender, who just happened to walk in to the living room right at that moment.

I stopped the programme and hurriedly turned the channels to a Radio Station when she said,

"You don't have to stop it I know he is going to take off his pants and I have seen Daddy's bottom already"

Top Ender Giggles - All I want in life

"What film are we watching this week Mummy?" asked Top Ender
"High School Musical 2, is the one showing on Disney Channel" I answered
"High School Musical 2? Wow! If we had pasta for tea, I could die happy!" said Top Ender


Lets hope it doesn't come to that shall we

Top Ender takes control

Top Ender was very annoyed with Daddy she started telling him off whilst leading Baby Boy away from the TV.

"Daddy! You shouldn't let Baby Boy stand so close to the TV!" Exclaimed Top Ender
"Pardon Top Ender?" queried Daddy
"I don't want him to be close to the TV as it might hurt his eyes!"

Top Ender Giggles - Age is all in the mind!

Top Ender brought me the phone today.

"There is an advert about people left over from the olden days, and you just have to dial 454545 and you get a free gift when you join"
"What Top Ender?"
"There is an advert about people left over from the olden days and you should join"
"Top Ender, do you mean the advert about planning for your funeral and the people that haven't died won't have to worry?"
"Yes that one, you should join you get a free gift"
"Top Ender, I'm not old enough to join that"
"But you get a free gift!"

Top Ender Giggles - But its free!

Top Ender was just watching TV when an advert came on asking for people to adopt Orangutans.

"I am not adopting an Orangutan!" she said defiantly
"Why not Top Ender?"
"Because, I don't want one messing up my stuff!"
"It wouldn't come and live with us you know..."
"Oh! Well we should then as you get a free toy."

Top Ender Giggles - Sage advice

Last night I took Baby Boy up to have his last feed of the night (well before I went to sleep!) and for me to get ready for bed too. Top Ender was downstairs with Daddy watching a cartoon before it was time for her to go to bed. Suddenly she appeared in the bedroom to announce;

"You should do something that you don't do"
Thinking that she meant something like not tell her off I half heartedly said "Whats that?"
"Dye your hair... It would make it glossy and shiny!"